So, Grendel Ate My Legs... Again.

Christofer Marcusson the Battle-Scarred rolled over in his cot of straw and stared at his guest, one rheumy eye drilling a hole of intensity into the young thane, the other eye-socket a mass of healed burns and claw scars.

"Aye, young thane. I travelled with Beowulf Grendel-slayer in my youth. But beware, says I; The path to glory leads but to the halls of Valhalla, or the sodden bunk of a battered old man."

Marcusson sat up gingerly, leg stumps dangling where powerful calves once donned thick leather boots.

"I have dined in the halls of Hrothgar-King, and I have heard the fell screams of the Sea Hag. I drained full the draughts of the victory over the great Dragon when the great Geat himself fell."

A shadow passed over his one good eye, "and aye, I carried him on his shield to his cremation. He met his doom like a warrior, not as an old and useless churl."

"So hear my tale and know that not all who would sail into glory die happy or in the heat of battle."

Beowulf plus Taj Mahal, two fine auction/bidding games from Knizia, paired up to be our gaming entertainment last week. Unfortunately, as the intro to this entry alludes, my foray into Beowulf was not as successful as previous efforts. I had won both of our previous games with scores in the 40s (or thereabouts). This time I limped away from the final chapter with something like 14 points. At least I avoided the dreaded three-wound penalty of -5 points per wound, which would've probably put me into the negative. Shemp came away with this one, though I believe Easy and Bharmer weren't too far behind. About halfway through, my main goal morphed from coming in first to not being last, which is never a good sign.

This does bring up the question of whether it's very possible to come back after an early game disaster (or disasters) in Beowulf. I suppose later games will tell. I still enjoyed this game, but more from a survival perspective rather than a competition for first standpoint. I just felt like I was almost constantly fighting to keep my head above water (avoiding additional wounds and scratches) instead of being able to gain new cards and points.

This game is both more competitive and shorter than Knizia's previous game with a similar mechanic, Lord of the Rings. I enjoy both, but for very different reasons.

Taj Mahal falls into the category of games which I admire from a design point of view, but don't find very engaging personally. Once again, after falling behind early, I felt like I was largely out of the running for the remainder of the game. There are mechanics to assist in this regard, so I don't intend this as a criticism (yet). Maybe after two or three more games. Easy and Shemp duked it out for first, with Shemp coming in first, I believe and Bharmer not too far behind.

A bad night for me, but enjoyable for friendship and gaming in general as always.

Partially inspired by playing the game this week, I rented "Beowulf and Grendel" (2005 Canadian-Danish-UK co-production) on the weekend. It's not bad - a few great lines and a few real clunkers. Sarah Polly in particular seems out of place. Worth watching, though.

Beef... STAKE. (Fury of Dracula)

Me not know why funny man in black cape ask me to attack English bloke. He give me knife and gun-thingy and say "You vill vait here in ambush for Dr. Seward. Vhen he arrives on the east road, prewent him from pursuing me."

Beef always remember exactly what people tell him. Beef not always understand good what they say, but Beef always remember. Me not know what 'prewent' or 'pursuing' mean. But me find good bush. Funny man have sharp pointy teeth and look at Beef funny, but Beef obey him anyway. Beef like funny man's big doggies and funny flying mousies.

So Beef wait in bush for English Doctor to come. When he arrive, Beef yell "Beef smash!" and attack him. Doctor look all not scared and shoot his big long gun at me, but Beef tricky and shoot him first. Bloke look surprised and bleed a little bit. Then Beef pull out knife (Beef like knife...s. They all shiny and pointy.) Doctor come at Beef again, but Beef quicker and stabby-stabby him in arm. Doctor look angry now and pull out pointy stick. Beef not think pointy stick make good weapon, but Beef attack anyway. Beef miss Bloke. Bloke miss Beef. Beef think this funny. Not know why Doctor not think funny.

Now Doctor take out knife again. Beef think this not good way for Doctor to help people, but funny man in cape say 'prewent', so Beef will 'prewent'.

Doctor get really angry and put knife right in Beef's head. This hurt not so much as Beef think, but Beef fall down. Doctor say:

"Poor misguided fool. This evil monster now employs imbeciles in his growing legions of unholy servants. I pray for your soul, sir."

Then Doctor leave all in hurry. Beef bleed a lot.

Hard to move with knife in head. Bleeding stop not too long. Beef hope funny man with cape get away from mean English Doctor. Doctor make Beef feel funny and bleedy.

Beef have had worse boo-boos. Someday, Beef will hurt Doctor back. For now, Beef lay down in comfy pile of leaves. Stupid Doctor.

[A game of "Fury of Dracula" lead to a victory by the hunters, but not before a certain "Man with Pistol and Knife" made more trouble than was expected for Dr. Seward over several rounds of combat. I'll leave to Shemp and Easy the details of the chase - I had to immortalize "Beef" in the blog for now]

I Don't Want the Whole City, Just Your Half

Tonight we played the Illuminati New World Order CCG and White Wolf's new offering, Vampire: Prince of the City. I spent far too long writing the review and session report for Vampire, so I'll leave it to someone else to describe the Illuminati game. I posted a detailed game review at BGG. For brevity's sake, I'll only post the session report:

Giovanni Grimani, Primogen of the Ventrue, stared fixedly across the smoke-filled room at Sal “the Bulldog” Di Falco. He despised everything about the man, from his shoddy Armani knock-off suit to his butchering of the beautiful Italian language with his thick Sicilian-American accent. Grimani twisted a gold ring around on his finger, a personal gift from the Doge of Venice in 1789 in thanks for his help with a small Gangrel insurgent problem. He considered briefly the possibility of simply leaping across the massive teak table and ripping Di Falco’s throat out with his fangs. Sal’s mob of petty gangsters had disrupted Kindred operations in the city at a most inconvenient time – the succession of the Prince. In another time and place, Grimani would’ve simply killed Di Falco at a distance with a flock of bats, or perhaps a dire wolf or two. He couldn’t stomach even the thought of drinking Di Falco’s putrid and cocaine-laced mortal blood.

Today, though, they were here to talk business. Grimani had the Daeva to worry about, and he couldn’t spare the vitae to deal with small-time crime bosses right now. The Ventrue steepled his fingers and composed himself before speaking in the cultured tones of his own Venetian-accented Tuscan dialect.

“Signore DiFalco, my interest in the operations of police precinct 4 is strictly business related. We’re seeking to ensure the safety and security of the honest man on the street.”

Sal grunted and blew out a long stream of sickly-sweet cigar smoke. His consigliore, a thin man slouched in the shadows nearby, shifted uncomfortably.

“Listen, Grimaldi or Grimani, or whatever your name is. My paisan and I have always had our thumb on the cops in this town. You… your chalky-white crew comes in here throwing money around and roughing up my boys. I don’t think you got the interest of any guy on the street in mind at all. I think youse is trying to take over the joint, and whatever else weird and unsettling that is going on all over the place is part of your doing. I got people disappearing in Nobility Hill, turning up whiter than a sheet in nightclub back rooms, and I haven’t heard from my insiders at City Hall in weeks.”

Grimani leaned forward, adjusting his signet ring again.

“I don’t know exactly what you’re implying, Signore,” he began.

“I’m not implying nothin’, padrone. Fari vagnari a pizzu. Let me wet my beak too, or I’ll be blowing the whistle on you and your animales. I’ve heard what’s going down in this town. You guys ain’t what you seem to be.”

Grimani was just about to summon up the vitae to bend the little crime lord to his will when the window to the back alley blew inward in a shower of glass shards. Chen Weimin, the dreaded “Black Dragon”, primogen of the Gangrel, landed in a cat-like crouch near the center of the table. The mortals fell backward in surprise and shock, but Grimani stood and assumed a defensive stance.

“So,” the Ventrue Primogen smiled, “you’re not going to let me put the police in my pocket so easily after all, Chen?”

“I don’t know why you even wasted your time with these Kine, blue-blood,” snarled the Black Dragon, “but I’m going to mess up that expensive suit of yours. Maybe even mark up that pretty face. This won’t be like Chicago in ‘31. You may control the arts district and city hall, but I’m going to take the cops away from you.”

“Come and try it, Gangrel,” Grimani spat, and the Danse Macabre began another round.

Set-Up

We had our first play-through of Vampire: Prince of the City last night. It’s an interesting game. With four players and a first time through, we chose a six turn game length. We dealt out the clans – I received the Daeva, Hapi was the feral Gangrel, Agent Easy received the horrifying Nosferatu, and Shemp took the regal Ventrue. Seating order was the order introduced above, and I offered to take Regent for the first turn so I could demonstrate mechanics.

Turn 1

Everyone drew new cards in the first turn, and a number of events popped up, including National Guard Patrols, Rival Racketeers, Media Exposure and Philosophical Debate. Suffice it to say, this curbed our intial activities somewhat. We decided by group assent that maybe the cards hadn’t been shuffled properly and discarded National Guard Patrols so that we’d at least be able to move around properly in our very first turn. No one wanted to try their hand at an event challenge yet, and no one was in range for player challenges except Hapi and Easy, and neither wanted to risk the media exposure (forgetting we had no personal prestige to lose yet). I proceeded to the Cathedral and influenced it and the Synagogue. The Ventrue bolted for the arts and entertainment district and captured a few of its locations unopposed, despite the mob troubles. Curiously, the Nosferatu and Gangrel decided to fight over areas in the tranportation domain, with the rail station and underground being prime contests.

Turn 2

I maintained Regency, and the game continued. On the next turn, I cemented my hold on the Religious domain by taking the mosque and made some inroads into the Business domain. The Gangrel and Nosferatu continued to hold each other up in the Transport domain, with the Nosferatus gaining the upper hand and the Gangrel switching focus to the Industrial domain. The Ventrue had a number of lucky rolls and grabbed the entire Arts and Entertainment domain, then getting two zones in the Government domain Exclusive Salon, Federal Investigation and Command of the Harpies events came up during the turn, but we defeated collectively the Philosophical Debate event and the Daeva and Venture banded together to beat the Command of the Harpies.

Turn 3

Shemp jumped into the lead by getting the domain control bonus as well as a lot of personal prestige, and took over the regency. Some people hunted and others drew cards this time during the resource phase, as vitae loss started to tell on the Primogens. We had enough territories to challenge Media Exposure, which we did easily, but no one trusted each other enough to get rid of the Federal Investigation or the Rival Racketeers yet. Shemp finished taking over the Government district as well as a zone or two in the Reseach district, then I took over and solidified my hold on the Business domain and increased my presense in the Religious. Hapi grabbed most of the rest of the Industrial domain while Agent Easy contested a few locations in the Transport, not quite gaining domain control. Federal Investigation popped up around this turn, further making our use of Activation cards difficult. Shemp wisely played Master of Defense as his strategy, and the Gangrel played Mentalist and Supporter. I unwisely played Master Strategist early, not realizing that it’s better to play once I actually have other strategies in hand. There were a few challenges in this round, but nothing decisive.

Turn 4

This was mostly a consolidation round, with players picking up various zones around the city. To be perfectly honest, I can't remember exactly what happened in this round, so some of the events of Turn 5 may have happened in Turn 4, and Turn 6 events may have happened in Turn 5.

Turn 5

Shemp was still in the lead, so he continued as Regent, but I was close behind. Drunken Vandal and Local Security turned up during card draws as well as Vitae Curse and The Danse Macabre. I traded City Services Domain to Hapi, hoping that it would encourage him to fight Shemp in both the Medical Centre and Easy in the Metro Underground. The number of events was getting ridiculous, so we banded together again on Easy’s challenge to get rid of Federal Investigation. Shemp took out Local Security. A few influence contests had popped up in the turn previous in the Government domain as people figured out Shemp was extending his lead, so the Ventrue, Gangrel and Daeva popped up nearby each other to fight over the Police Department (described in narrative above). I had already been forced to run in a previous turn by Agent Easy’s Vigor-using Nosferatu, so I was cautious to only try a social challenge. Unfortunately, I had forgotten about Shemp’s Master of Defence strategy, so I only gained two influence while Shemp effectively lost none. Similarly, the Gangrel attack only succeeded in giving Shemp more personal prestige. Influence contests were popping up in the Community domain, and Shemp demonstrated that he had managed the High Society Domain strategy giving him another domain. Fortunately, the Gangrel and Daeva wrested control of the Police Department and the Morgue respectively from the Venture, and their domain control was broken over that area. Going into the final turn, Shemp was still in the lead, however, with me a close second, and Easy and Hapi gaining ground behind us. Vitae Curse came up during the round.

Turn 6

On turn 6 the gloves came off with a flurry of player challenges. Leech Troublemaker event came out to compound the danger of the Vitae Curse, and no one wanted to bother with the Danse Macabre, since it technically affected the Regent more. Unfortunately we were all too focused on taking each other out to bother with the four remaining events.

I foolishly played Consolidator, thinking it would get me bonus prestige for the Master Strategist card as well as protect my two domains, but Easy promptly stole it from me in a mental challenge. I was worried about the Gangrel hitting my domains, so I used my Traffic Controller retainer to send him to the Slums. Shemp sat in the Police Department zone for the final round, not wishing to mix it up with anyone, having a low vitae count.

The Ventrue’s dominance having been broken up by the other three clans, the Nosferatu tried to take me down by taking away the Mosque and Mercantile Sector zones from me, eliminating my domain control in both. I regained the Synagogue but lost the Merchantile Sector, but I still had control over the Religious domain. In the end, the score was Shemp 39, Kozure 36, Agent Easy 32 and Hapi 25. However, Shemp was put into torpor by last round blood loss (there was a Vitae Curse). In addition, the Leech Troublemaker event had also recently come into play, and Kozure (me) with one vitae left after the vitae curse, rolled a 3. Fortunately, Agent Easy rolled a 2, and we were spared the indignity of the third place finisher coming in first due to bad die rolls.

At first it looked like the Ventrue were going to run away with the lead, but leader-killing tactics and the disadvantage of moving first brought Shemp down far enough for me to whittle away at his lead. Poor vitae management forced him into torpor in the final round, although I almost met a similar fate.

Curiously, 12 of the 20 event cards came up during the game, which seemed like quite a bit. We’ll have to shuffle the deck even more thoroughly next time.

An exciting and challenging game, with the final winner decided in the final moments of the game.

Clarissa Dubonnet, primogen of the Daeva, stepped over the torpor-stricken body of Giovanni Grimani. She peered around at the gathered Kindred with her beautiful grey green eyes and smiled the smile that was partially responsible for the English Civil War.

“I am now Prince of this city,” she said imperiously, concealing carefully her near-torpor fatigue, “and I spare the Unlife of this Primogen, so lately my opponent in the Danse Macabre. I expect all strife and conflict in this city to cease by midnight, by my decree.”

Chen Weimin, primogen of the Gangrel, and Facilitus the Unseen, primogen of the Nosferatu, bowed their heads in deference, but Clarissa could sense their seething resentment. Facilitus especially had come close to toppling her careful house of cards.

“The Masquerade is re-established. Let all Kindred in the City know that I am their master, and my word is law.”

The Masquerade went on, but so did the Danse Macabre. There would be another reckoning someday.

"Never Try to Play a Player" - Tikal, Film-Noir Style

*cue mournful sax solo and distant police siren*

Ever get the feeling you were being played?

It was a cold and wintery night on the mean streets of Hogtown. There was a knock on the door, the sort of knock that makes a man put down his cheap scotch and flat soda and bother to answer it. They stood there, looking cold and lost - they looked like the sort of people that get eaten if they stay out too long after dark. I had seem him before - he went by the handle of Shamus - strangely, he wasn't a brother gumshoe. He had a slim gal with him, a nice looker, but you could tell she had some brains to rattle around behind that pretty face. I figured her for his moll. Shamus introduced her as "Ms. Potter", and you could hear him put enough "zee" on the Ms. to make it clear they weren't married.

I invited them in.

I had some of the boys in the back already fixing to start up on a game of Tikal, so I pointed the loving couple in the direction of our couch and broke out another copy of the old Mayan shellgame for my new guests to play. Tikal is like a pretty dame from a Sicilian crime family - nice to look at, but you'll find a couple slugs in your back if you let your guard down. Shamus I knew was a bit of a player - he'd run away with a train job a couple of weeks previous, but I chalked that one up to beginner's luck. Tikal was a good game to get to know a person; the real person, if you know what I mean. It's easy enough to suss out, I guess, but it's got more twists than a cheap dimestore licorice, and defeat tasted just as bitter.

Shamus and "Ms. Potter" looked like easy pickings. I laid out the rules and the situation and we got down to brass tacks. Early on, I thought I'd be sailing into the win easy-like. On the first couple of scoring round, I was ahead. I shoulda checked the rear view, though; "Ms. Potter" wasn't far behind. It got a little cut-throat - Shamus and Ms. Potter muscled in on one of my pyramids early on, and I gave Shamus the heave-ho on one that he'd worked up from a 4 pointer. On the second scoring round, I could hear the dogs nipping at my heels... well, if a dog looked like a pretty dame and came at you sideways from an alley with a Saturday Night Special. "Ms. Potter" caught up and passed me by a hair on the second round, and it was off to the races after that. All I was able to eat for the rest of the same was that dame's dust, and it didn't taste nearly as good as Tili's lasagne, or a decent scotch and soda, for that matter. No, defeat was dry as Mayan pottery dust in my mouth, baked in the hot Guatemalan sun.

I had to hand the game over to Trixie... er... Tili, because the other game was done with and the boys were explaining the rules for Antike, but from what I heard, Ms. Potter cleaned up. Ms. Potter won by a good eleven points.

Nope. These kids weren't amateurs. They were players through and through. They'd be back; I could tell by the way they smiled that they knew an easy mark when they saw one. Shamus and his moll Ms. Potter: a couple of cool cucumbers who knew their way around a game of Tikal. I've played the game enough to know when I had been played, and I had been played like a Stradivarius violin; smooth and expert-like, with a clear finish.

*siren fades out, echoing in the street*

[To be honest, I couldn't figure out a way to fit the review of Antike into the film-noir themed session report above, so I'll just do it the old-fashioned way.]

Antike is that rarity of rarieties, the Civilization building game that doesn't go too far into detail (Sid Meier's Civilization) and doesn't gloss over details a little too much (Vinci). After a quick rules explanation by JayWowzer, we were good to go.

I have to say that the roundel-based turn and action selection method is pretty unique. I have to laugh a tiny bit at the concept of a game where gold and currency are two separate and quite distinctly differently used commodities, but that's pretty much my only quibble with the game (oh, and the cover box art. That needed work).

Antike uses a fairly standard area-movement based movement mechanic, but resource acquisition and building are handled in phases which exist as sectors on a roundel. The players place a marker on the action they took, and then can advance up to three sectors for free (or pay one currency unit per sector to advance more) and then take the action on the next section. There are four commodities - iron, marble, gold and currency. The first three can be mined from specific area-based cities - the second, currency, is a per turn income and can be used to substitute like a wild-card for any of the other three resources.

Victory is point based, and varies from 9 points in a 4 player game, up to something like 12 or 13 in a three player game. Players acquire points (one point each) by gaining 5 land areas (king), being the first to develop "know-how" in two steps of five (six?) different categories (scholar), having ships in 7 different sea areas (seafarer), building 3 temples (citizen), conquering a city with a temple (general).

There are basically two types of manoeuvrable units, a land-army (which look like militant meeples) and a fleet (which are cute galley-like things). Other markers and pieces include a white temple, which triples resource output from a city, cities, which are little round dics, and eight-sided tall pieces which are used for markers on the techology tracks and the above mentioned roundel (which governs action types). The components are well made of wood, all are distinct colours and all (with the possible exception of the angry meeple) seem suited to their use.

Combat is similar to the Vinci one-for-one exchange of mutual destruction, with a few modifiers thrown in for defensive know-how (monarchies and democracies defend themselves more effectively) and for temples.

I'm really quite impressed with the game, which combines a simple but clever method for managing resources and buying different types of units and improvements. Combat is simple, but evocative, and options for attacking from sea, land or both at once add a little uncertainty to the strategic scope. It is quite possible to win without attacking anyone, as Agent Easy admirably demonstrated during the game, but I think in future games closer attention will be paid to leaders to prevent a straighforward purchase of victory.

This one is a definite keeper. I'd rate it a 8.5, which might bump up to 9 in subsequent plays. It has the fantastic attribute of being playable in 60-90 minutes, which for this level of detail (medium-light, admittedly, but better than Vinci, for example) is really quite remarkable.

Agent Easy walked away with the win, with JayWowzer coming a close second; Hapi and I fell to distant fourth and third place respectively.

A Visit to Arkham

What’s that, Martha? Visitors?

Well, by all means, woman, send them in.

Set a spell, fellas. Make yourselves at home; Martha and I were just gettin' ready for the shindig down in Innsmouth tonight.

Arkham? Ayuh, everyone ‘round these parts knows Arkham. Big city. Big trouble. At least, it ‘twas, until the last new moon.

What happened? Oh, boys, that’s a story longer’n my arm and twice as hairy. Sure you don’t want to jes’ rest your feet and have some lemonade?

No? I suppose you city slickers are always in summat of a hurry. I reckon that was part of the reason for’n the way things ended up.

‘Tall stahted with a fellah from the city, an investigator - I think they call themselves “private eyes” nowadays - He came snooping around the police station, asking strange questions. Weren’t too much later that a tahl dandy, used to be a magician, showed up near the Olde Magick Shoppe, asking a lot of the same questions. All these folks asking questions attracted the attention of our local journo, fellah from the Arkham Advertiser, nice young man. Can’t say as I recall his name. Anyways, that’s when the trouble started.

Ayuh, I said trouble. Wicked trouble, the kind that has crittahs pickin’ you up in slimy tentacles and throwing you down the road apiece. Odd stories came from the boys pulling in the pots down by dockside, ‘bout an island with strange lights and stranger rituals. Pretty soon, those three young men I mentioned came a’ pokin’ their noses ‘round, lookin’ to get to that island. Right after, a schooner came in all of its own, letting out all manner of trouble right onto the street that the magician was walking down. Everyone could tell that magician was in for a bad spell.

What’s that Martha? A pun? Ayuh, I reckon that was a pun. Finest kind.

Well, soon those boys were runnin’ all over Arkham, poppin’ in and out of glowin’ disks of light like rabbits down holes. Once or twice they came back lookin’ a might wild-eyed and haggard, like someone run ‘em through a ringer once or twice. Most of the time, they ended makin’ funny marks on the ground, and the disks never came back. Round then, the Egyptian exhibit came to town, which they seemed powerful interested in. All sorts of stories whirlin’ around town ‘round then, dark creatures in the streets, zombies, cultists, maniacs, and stranger things, things from the stars with wings. People in dark robes with forked tongues… they were the scariest, so I hear tell – at least the investigators seemed to avoid fightin’ ‘em.

The private eye, he was loaded for bear, as we say ‘round these parts. He took those crittahs to task, and brung a cartful of them in to the police to put in storage. They wanted to deputize him; he had earned it twice over, but for some reason, that never happened. The magician, well, he was a fragile sort. Kept on running into something in uptown, big and mean… think they said it was called a “dhole”. Anyways, that thing kept him holed up in St. Mary’s… the hospital… for quite a while. As for our hometown photographer, he disappeared for the longest time. When he showed up again, he kept on muttering about Elder Races, Cities and Cleaners or somesuch.

Sure you fellahs won’t have some lemonade? You will? That’s fine. Ah… there now, isn’t that refreshing? Ayuh, the wife makes it special… very tart.

It was a interestin’ time. We had a whole family murdered in their home, and for a while a mysterious Black Man was peddlin’ something over in Southside. We even had the Feds come in and clean a lot of those dark things off the streets, government-style. The three men panicked a little when it seemed like all their good work was going to be undone, but they figured it out, and got something in return. While they were worrying about not having all their work undone, a few more of ‘em glowing disks showed up, spewing all manner of crittahs all over Arkham. ‘Round bout then the General store closed up and the owner left town. Lot of fellahs left town. Somethin’ spooked ‘em wicked bad.

Well, with all those new glowing places and only four neighbourhoods that were safe, there was a reckoning. People ‘round these parts said it was quite a light show, pistols and spells and whips and shotguns ‘a blazin’. They say they came very close to banishing Yig; they did their best, poor misguided souls.

In the end, well… Arkham’s a different place these days. Never did see those poor boys again, ‘cept maybe in the new friezes they’re erecting over a ways by where they’re putting up Yig’s brand new Temple. They look powerful scairt, even carved in stone and clutched in Yig’s gentle talons. Ayuh, Yig’s a beneficent ruler, so long as yah stay on Yig’s good side; otherways, it’s off to the stone of sacrifice and, well, you’ll know more about that than I by the 'morrow. There's some as 'round here that weren't mighty happy to see Yig come to rule, but those of us who've always expected him, well, it's like the Fourth of July and Christmas and the Black Feast of Shub-Niggurath all rolled into one.

Oh, fellahs, yah look powerful uneasy. Don’t worry, Yig will take you under his feathered coils soon enough, and it’ll all be over. Ayuh, that cold feelin’ creepin’ over you is one of the finer paralytic poisons, courtesy of Martha’s lemonade and our lord Yig hisself. You fellahs probably won’t feel a thing.

Don’t worry. I think the good folk down at the Innsmouth shindig will take a shine to you right proper. They'll treat you fine, afore'n you go.

It’s going to be a wicked good party. Wicked good.

Get out of Town you Yellow-Bellied Galoot!

‘Chinaman’ Choy narrowed his already squinty eyes and spoke in gravely tones.

“Get out of my town,” he said evenly, without fear.

The notorious Baker gang stood unflinching, hands poised over Colt Peacemakers and Winchester triggers.

“This here’s our turf now, Chinaman. Best you go on back to San Antonia and take up laundrywarshing.”

Choy surveyed the quartet of gunslingers arrayed against him, “Abilene’s mine, Baker. You and your kin ain’t welcome.”

“Then I reckon this comes to shootin’ irons,” Jeb Baker growled. He went for his gun.

A fusillade of pistol fire rang out. At the end, only the Chinaman still stood, short-shadowed in the noon-day sun.

“I told you to get out of my town,” he spat.

* * *

This week’s theme was “Cowboys and Cutthroats: 19th Century American Capitalism”. In keeping with the theme, dinner was beef burritos and pork and beans, supplemented by jalapeno chips and gummy worms (worms – tequila – get it?). The game for the evening was Way out West. A session of US Patent Number 1 had also been planned, but a late start and enthusiasm for our first game put the nix on that idea.

Way out West is typically described as a tile placement game. It is, in a sense, but it also has a strong wargame-lite element to it which gives it a bit more kick than your average session of Puerto Rico or Tigris and Euphrates. The concept is that the players are robber barons / gang leaders / venture capitalists in the gunslinging, cattle-rustling Wild West. The board depicts five old west towns (San Antonia, Kansas City, Abilene, Dodge City, and Deadwood) of various maximum sizes, each with a upper limit on the number of ranches and buildings that can be placed there. The players begin with $25 and three cowboys. The cowboys are placed one at a time in turn order determined randomly at the beginning, and then the game begins.

The game mechanics seem dense at first, but after an initial hump, they come across (to me, at least) as rather elegantly refined to allow for interesting strategies but also reflect the theme very well.

There are 12 turns (9 in 5 or 6 player games), and every third turn is a money-making turn. The round begins with a short bidding round, beginning with the first player of the last round. The bids proceed until a player does not bid, at which point the player puts in any money already bid (if any) and places his turn order marker on the turn order track. Bidding continues until all the players drop out and the turn order for the turn is determined.

In turn order, each player selects one of several actions: build, hire a cowboy, buy cattle, move cowboys, start a gunfight, drive cattle, or place a farmer. After one round of selecting actions, in turn order, the players select again in turn order for their second action.

Building involves placing one of several types of building, all of which either earn money/VP, multiply money/VP earned, or provide additional security (Jail). Hotels earn $1 for every cowboy belonging to an opponent in the town during a money making turn. Stores earn $1 for each cow belonging to an opponent and $2 for each farmer. Stagecoaches earn $1 each time a cowboy comes into town from out East or leaves the town. Banks earn $2 for every other building or transport belonging to an opponent in the town. Trains double the income from all cattle in the town, not just those belonging to the player. Jails provide a sheriff which can fight for or against inhabitants of a town during a gunfight.

Hiring a cowboy brings in one or two cowboys at a cost of $1 each. Each player has a limited number of cowboys (and buildings, for that matter). Buying cattle works similarly, save that there are restrictions on where cattle can be placed – the towns are numbered 1 to 5, and lower numbered-towns must be more than half full before cattle can be placed in the next higher numbered town.

Moving cowboys involves moving cowboys already on a map, and is usually a precursor (or a result) of a gunfight.

Gunfights involve a simple dice-combat, with the side with the lower number of cowboys firing first, each die roll of 5 or 6 killing an opponent cowboy. When numbers are equal, combat is simultaneous. Cowboys have the option to retreat after the first round of combat, losing the round. This is the principle random / tactical element of the game; everything else is pure strategy. Winners of gunfights steal cattle, take over businesses, burn down jails, rob banks or kill farmers, depending on the target of the showdown.

Driving cattle involves moving a cow from one corral to any other empty corral on a map (useful to get your cattle out of a town with a farmer, or if your control needs shoring up elsewhere).

Placing a farmer is essentially a “screw your neighbour” mechanic. Farmers reduce income (and VP) from cattle in the same town. They also have the ability to displace a cow from the corral they are placed in.

The game is won by a tally of victory points. Buildings count for VP equal to the total number of buildings in town, as do cattle (1 VP) and the special “train” transport, which adds one VP to each cow. Players also earn 5 VP for the most money and 4 VP for being the most notorious. There is also a town bonus (equal to the size of the town) given to the player who “controls” a town by having the highest total of buildings and cattle in a town. Farmers subtract 1 VP per cow in the same town.

I find the theme of this game irresistible, and the integration of theme with game mechanic is very well done. Theme aside, however, this is also a clever little game of strategy and tactics, with a dollop of diplomacy and alliances thrown in for good measure. The only dodgy element of the game is the sometimes frustratingly random results of combat. Despite comments from other reviewers on BGG, I found that most combats, with one or two exceptions, resolved about how one would expect – the outnumbered cowboys usually lost, and when numbers were close or equal, it could go either way. I really enjoyed both games, and felt that despite a serious strategic blunder in the first game, I was having fun throughout.

I did note that Easy suffered what amounted to a two turn dearth of actions due to a daring bank robbery by the Shemp clan. I suppose one could blame Easy for leaving such a juicy target undefended, but we’re still learning. Hopefully that dry spell was not too painful for Easy.

As always, in re-reading the rules after a play through, I did discover two minor things which we did wrong – fortunately, I don’t believe that in either case that it had much effect on our game. First, all cowboys involved in a bank robbery must leave town and disperse to different towns (max one each) if there is a jail in the town that was robbed. I think the bank robbery only happened once, and I don’t think the dispersal of Shemp’s cowboys would have had much effect on the remainder of the game. It’s possible that there was no jail in the robbed town, so the issue may be moot. Second, you must have MORE than half of the corrals full before you can place in the next higher town - we played with if there IS half, you can place them in the next higher town (always when you have a cowboy there). That might have had a larger effect. We'll have to remember that rule for next time.

I thought after playing that I had gotten the “you always roll at least one die in defence” rule incorrect, but after a careful re-reading, it seems we had it right. This seems a little strange to me in that it’s just as safe to leave cattle undefended as to have a cowboy in the same town, but if you had a bank or a jail in town as well, it would be safer to have cowboys rather than depend on the intrinsic defence.

One thing that was not covered in the rules, FAQ or errata as far as I can tell, is what happens when all of the cowboys are killed in a simultaneous combat. We played it as if the defender won in this case. I will check on BGG for confirmation.

This is not a perfect game by any means, but I do find it very successful in a number of areas in which I rate “The Perfect Game”. I also found it fun, which is a key factor for me, at least. Another interesting twist in this game is that it is not economically smart to have a stranglehold on a town - you have to let the other hombres in to get a piece of their action. The various things that can happen in a turn do technically make this a little more dense than would be understandable for most non-gamers, but for me, I found this to be just the right combination of simplicity with diversity of options.

Hapi ran away with the first game (due in no small part to some spectacular gunplay by some of his cowboys) and Easy won the second. I suspect additional games will be closer, and I look forward to paying another visit to the Wild West very soon.

Karnage @ Karnak

The Scene: The temple of Amun at Karnak. Helmut and Aziz hid away in an inner compartment. Buchanan and McCormick were hidden in the shadows near the Great Hypostyle Hall, surveiling the approach to the temple.

All was quiet in the temple for several hours, but at 4:05 AM Stanley McCormick sensed something ominous, and whispered into the two-way radios.

"They've arrived." As soon as the shadowed figures were spotted, though, they were lost again, amid a wind, a rustling, and a flapping. McCormick believed that they had penetrated deep into the temple, to inner chambers hidden in darkness.

Tension continued mounting with little action until roughly 6:00 AM - at this point there was the sound of a vehicle, slamming, and then an entourage entered the temple, along with the first rays of light. Two cloaked figures, and 18 others, some burdened, and some apparently unburdened. They purposefully headed to the inner sanctum, and minutes later a small grouping headed back to the main entry, where the lead hooded figure loudly chanted an invocation. Wind whipped up, howling, resulting in a sandstorm that blackened the sky. There was more movement amongst the most recent arrivals, and 6 individuals were left on patrol, while the rest returned to the interior.

Buchanan agitated for immediate action, but the others vetoed that idea, preferring to wait for Noon, preferring to strike at the presumed climax of the ritual, and the presumed summoning of the Elder God Mun'Mut'Kunzu.

At 10:00 AM a slow procession began down the main axis of the temple. Stan and Sam kept tabs, and at one point Buchanan braved the sandstorm to loop around a sentry from the outside. He would later regret plunging into the sandstorm, as it seemed to result in repeated jamming of weapons later on, when he most needed them.

The procession was headed by a cloaked figure (presumed to be O'Brien), followed by four torch bearing cultists, two bearing the stone artifact, and six bearing a restrained figure on some sort of board. By 11:52, they arrived in the area just in front of the inner chamber, and it became apparent that a sacrifice was to take place. A human sacrifice. Buchanan and McCormick were watching, Helmut and Aziz were readying to do their part to stop this from happening.
McCormick slipped away to ready his weapons.

At 11:52 AM things went to Hell.

A stumble, a stubbed toe, and an oath by McCormick drew attention, and subsequent gunfire. Chaos erupted, and Fearg chanted. McCormick threw himself to the ground at the feet of the cultists, drawing gunfire. Buchanan attempted a distraction, and joined in the gunplay himself. Helmut von X realized his attention was needed, and moved to the main hall. Fearg chanted. McCormick let double shotguns blaze. Buchanan cursed his luck and bled. Helmut loosed some arrows. Fearg chanted. McCormick was grabbed by four cultists, and was presented to Fearg. Fearg chanted. Helmut dodged. Buchanan fired scavenged rifles. Fearg chanted and Stanley McCormick foresaw that he was going to die.

At 11:53 AM things were the darkest.

Buchanan’s rifles jammed. Stanley, despite his brute strength, was immobilized. But Helmut's arrows made their mark, while Fearg chanted. Buchanan's shots once again hit their marks. The cultist's numbers were reduced to those holding McCormick. Fearg chanted, and raised his ceremonial dagger. Helmut drew his katana, and dispatched McCormick’s captors. Fearg brought his dagger sweeping down to McCormick’s heart. Stanley McCormick, finally, dodged.

At 11:54 all that was left of the cult was Fearg O'Brien, and piles of meat. Fearg took several rifle shots without blinking, but finally was forced to break his chant. The demon took a couple of last swipes, transformed to a serpent, and was tossed aside. Aziz joined the other three adventurers in the main room, and they caught their breath. McCormick opened himself to the Supernatural, attempting to get a fix on O'Brien.

He didn't get a fix on O'Brien. But he did get one on DeKoonig!

The Vampire and minions materialized and thanked our bleeding protagonists for "dealing with" O'Brien. DeKoonig offered the honour of being a first meal in his forthcoming Vampire Kingdom.

At 11:55, dawn had not yet arrived.


(previously)

RECONAISSANCE REPORT FROM ZZ PLURAL ALPHA BEGINS

Supreme Overlord Gazak-Thul XXIV,

I have completed my reconnaissance of the puny meatling squatter camps located in sector ZZ plural Alpha. It is a pathetic, squabbling world of carbon-based, bipedal monkey things with a strange fascination with mammary protrusions. In particular, I was amused to discover a small group of three of them playing simulations of their attempts to fend off invasion. Hah… should we choose to destroy them, rest assured there would be no cardboard counters or randomized plastic cubes involved! GAAAGH GAAGH GAAAGH GAAAGH! *snort*

Their first nonsensical simulation was called “They’ve Invaded Pleasantville”, a hypothetical invasion set in the bucolic country-side bumpkin town of what they call “America” from fifty of their orbital periods ago. It is a poorly decorated game, with a bare minimum of attention given to artwork or style. It depicts the effort of a “Sub-Commander Zebulon” (wouldn’t Planetary Tyrant Zebulon from sector GK epsilon be amused!) who is taking over the monkey-people of the town of Pleasantville using implants which render them slave-like zombies. One of the monkeys takes the lofty role of Zebulon, while the other smelly hominids (well, usually one other hominid, but this play-through was modified for three competitors, instead of the usual two) play the wretched inhabitants of the town who are alerted to the invasion. In a careful game of hidden control and randomized movement, the Zebulon simulator must try to take over as many inhabitants as possible before 12 turns pass, while the human simulators must convince other sceptical townspeople of their cause, converse with potentially converted “uncontrolled” townspeople and capture implanted humans to interrogate or remove their implants. Combat and influence are handled by charts which related to comparative odds, an ancient and primitive method typically called “Combat Result Tables, or CRTs” by other ape-man simulation enthusiasts. There are also tables of “Die Roll Modifiers, or DRMs”, though they are not called as such. I am lead to understand that these CRTs and DRMs are primitive even by Earthling standards, especially in comparison to more modern hominid simulations (though still primitive when set beside our own HolOlfactoryMoist-o-Rama Simulatrons). Using a simplistic but effective method of counter substitution, the Zebulon player conceals which townspeople are under the control of his superior forces. He must then carefully move both implanted and non-implanted uncontrolled townspeople to deceive his opponent(s) about which townspeople are actually under his control. There are other aspects of the game, but to delve further would take up entirely too many chronopulses. Victory is sustained for the Earthling-side player if he discovers and kills the immobile (heh, not unlike our own chubby-wubby Zebulon, eh?) Sub-commander Zebulon or if he maintains control of at least half of the influence value of human townspeople by the end of the twelfth turn. If these conditions are not met, the obviously more deserving Alien simulator is victorious.

In this event, apelings Hapi and Shemp quavered in their loafers and heels as the townspeople, while unworthy Kozure simulated Zebulon (rather poorly, I hasten to add). Kozure made critical errors in marshalling his forces early on, tipping his hand too soon as to which were alien-controlled and which were mere townspeople. Hapi and Shemp effectively gained recruits (though not helped much by the Bartender) and had a fair-sized posse by turn three. A few random movement rolls moved some of the implanted apes right into the clutches of the growing alerted town forces and Kozure was too foolish to simply ignore the optional random move. Although Kozure was recovering and getting more slaves by turn 7, a simplistic and unexpected method of interrogation by left-to-right, top-to-bottom elimination of Zebulon’s location revealed the Sub-Commander’s position far too early. A posse of angry townspeople descended on the supermarket, brushed aside the ineffective resistance put up by the only alien-controlled townspeople in the area (the Sheriff and the Check-out Girl) and lynched Zebulon in a most undignified manner. Overall, a feeble effort by the Kozure-player and a very effective and coordinated game by Hapi and Shemp. Of course, our forces would have simply Blasto-Rayed the whole town, leaving nothing but monkey ashes and melted malt shops. GAAAGH GAAGH GAAAGH GAAAGH! *snort*

The second pitiable simulation was a similar “Old School” game designed by the man-ape Tom Wham, originally for TSR, but repackaged for Steve Jackson games in a clumsy but cute “video-tape” box. The game is called “The Awful Green Things from Outer Space” and, while also meant for two monkeys, can be played by up to six or so with quick modifications. This game represents the struggle of a curiously non-hominid crew to fend off an infestation of “Awful Green Things” picked up as geological samples from a strange world. The crew of the Znutar, made up of four different sentient races and one kiwi bird-like mascot, once alerted to the presence of eggs, babies and adult Awful Green Things on their ship, must make use of various weapons like pool sticks, stun guns, welding torches, communications beamers, fuel tanks and even the packaged foodstuff “Zgwortz” to kill the invaders, or, if things become desperate, abandon the ship. It is a childishly simple game of area movement and dice-based combat – the only really distinctive feature is the random combat effects of the weapons, which can kill, stun, grow, shrink or fragment the aliens into multiple pieces (which can then grow themselves). I know if someone came at me with a high-frequency demodulating etha-net transponder/communications beamer, I wouldn’t be standing in the way, Garthoz be my witness! GAAAGH! *snort*

In this simulation, the puny earthlings forced the Shemp-ape to play the AGTs, while Hapi and Kozure split up the crew. Shemp made a valiant effort, but unfamiliarity with the game and some early bad random-cube roll breaks had him on the defensive for the majority of the play. Kozure and Hapi managed to contain and eliminate the AGT menace with a loss of only five crew members. Surprisingly, your humble servant found this game amusing and quick, despite its simple and dated pedigree. All of the monkeys flapped their ingestion holes and announced that they would enjoy playing both games again. The one known as Kozure wanted to play “The Awful Green Things from Outer Space” again immediately, but their self-imposed chronospan was insufficient to allow completion.

Instead, the meatlings opted to play a game called Zero!, a simulation of one of their laughably small-scale conflicts of 60 orbital periods ago. This game of airfoil-craft powered by piston-drive internal combustion engines was familiar to them already and play proceeded quickly. Kozure played against Shemp and Hapi. Man-ape Kozure pounced on Shemp early in the game, scoring a quick damage result, while Hapi and Kozure’s other element tangled below. The play went very well, as all players now seemed familiar with how to fly their simulated aircraft. After a whirling dogfight, Kozure’s “IJN” emerged victorious, having destroyed one opponent’s aircraft and damaged another, while the “USAF” played by Hapi and Shemp only managed to damage one Zero. Surprisingly, Kozure’s element of weak Oscars were unharmed.

The puny humans seemed pleased with their laughable simulations, even going so far as to permit one of their slug-like offspring to burble and drool in observation. There was much ingestion-hole flapping and intake of a disturbingly odorous food called “curry”, and also mention of an absent member named “Easy”. What a sorry and pitiable race, to find amusement in such primitive and inadequate diversions.

I conclude that this race is ripe for conquering, or should that prove to be more trouble than it’s worth, simple liquefaction for storage as a high-protein meal supplement. However, my most bilious Supreme Overlord, perhaps a few more orbital periods of study are merited to further document their pathetic paper and plastic simulation techniques. While meagre and positively archaic, there is a certain… charm… to their execution and use.

Yours ever obediently,

Scout-Captain Yup-Lodjaq
Reconnaissance Craft Halsaf the Trenchant
Invasion Force Grak Vanguard
Sector ZZ Plural Alpha

END COMMUNICATION

This Week In World Domination.

Everything was fine. Everthing was stable. Everything was just fine until the Gnomes of Zurich took control of the Tobacco Companies and the Cable TV companies. In response, the shadowy Network seized control of the Multinational Oil Companies and established a Moonbase.

Which made a certain kind of sense.

The thing is, that spurred an Illuminated Shangri-la to control Japan, and then use the Center for Weird Studies' High Energy Cheese Lab to enable Japan to take control of the Moonies. Which is escalation. Which is never good. Shangri-La tried to calm things down by declaring Peace In Our Time, but the Society of Assassins jumped in; a Hidden City enticed the Big Media on to their side. Once that happened, they were ready to begin their campaign of Political Correctness.

Well, Political Correctness is a form of thought control, and that never goes unanswered. The gnomes launched some Orbital Mind Control Lasers, enacted Gun Control and the Tobacco Companies used the distraction to take over Brazil. The Network tried using their Midas Mill to seduce Al Gore over to their side, but failed, allowing Shangri-La and their new ally Newt Gingrich to assist Japan in winning Gore over to their side.

'Twas but a brief victory, however, as the Big Media used an agent inside the Gore camp to gain the former VP's aligence. This was but the first of many blows to Japan, as a crazed, violent Brazil, obviously under the influence of the Orbital Mind Control Lasers, used a Censorship campaign to assist Big Tobacco in gaining hostile control of Japan, and with them, the Moonies. That was bad enough, and things only seemed to be getting worse when the Network sent a bunch of Wargamers to the Moonbase.

Then all Hell really broke loose. The Assassins sent a sniper after Gingrich, but he failed. Shangri-La gained the support of the Congressional Wives, who in turn narrowly failed to capture control of the Moral Minority, and then declared that to be the first sign of The End Of The World. That appeared to become a fulfilled prophecy when Japan was instantly consumed by a plague of The Oregon Crud, collapsing in upon the Moonies, and destroying both. The Assassins followed up by controlling the Savings & Loan industry, but failed in their attempt to gain control of the Cattle Mutilators due to interference from the Gnomes, who then used their Mind Control Lasers to convince the Wargamers (and Everyone Else) that they (the Wargamers) were in fact a Government Agency. Big Tobacco wanted to control the Government Wargamers, but there was no way that Newt Gingrich would allow that to happen under his "Newt World Order".

With The End of the World still in full effect, it was a little surprising that not just one, but two Meteors narrowly missed the Moonbase.

So it was a narrow, temporary victory for the Gnomes of Zurich.

What does this all mean?

Well, Japan and the Moonies have just been destroyed, and so will be unavailable for our next game, due to Campaign Rules. The next game will also begin with Gun Control and The End Of the World in full effect. Due to cataclysmic upheaval, however, the pre-existing power structures will be smashed.

Fnord.